About Me

In no particular order, here are some things about me:

1. I don't like watching sports.

2. I have a mild case of germ phobia

3. I am slow to get angry, but also slow to forgive.

4. I prefer toothpaste to that disgusting gel and, of all the toothpaste, Colgate is the best.

5. I feel peanut butter should be creamy and goes best with strawberry jam on white bread.

6. I like guns.

7. I like pretty much everything from Pearl Jam.

8. I know that Superman could kick the crap out of Batman if he were so inclined.

9. I use sarcasm as a normal means of communication. Sometimes this gets me into trouble.

10. I am a perfectionist, but I'm not perfect. Sometimes I mistakes.

11. I am great at starting new projects.

12. I often consider the best place to go in a zombie apocalypse.

13. I am no longer allowed to play with the yoga ball indoors.

14. I love inventing new recipes. I just made a new cereal that combines Frosted Mini Wheats with raisins. I call it Raisin Wheats. That is mostly because Super Colon Blow was already taken.

15. I sometimes gross out my wife.

16. I think Gel style deodorant is icky. I prefer the spray on stuff now, even though it doesn't last as long.

17. I am a terrible singer despite what my wife says.

18. I am a wanna-be guitar hero. The real kind, nothing to do with the stupid game.

19. I think Guitar Hero is a stupid game even though I have never played it.

20. I sometimes judge a book by its cover.

21. I love a good sci-fi movie.

22. I hate when people are too quick to pass on the right.

23. I prefer watching movies at home.

24. I'm a night owl.

25. I don't like being blamed for things that aren't my fault.

26. If I had a nickle for every time someone said I looked like Edward Norton I would have 10 cents.

27. I'm a Mac.

28. I'm a problem solver.

29. I don't love making lists about myself.

30. I'd rather be rich than stupid.

31. I'm not as creative as I would like to be.

32. Is my favorite number, but I don't know why.

33. ...

Hard Truth

Today I learned some hard truths about myself.

1. My driving, though flawless and some might say graceful, generally pisses my wife off. I don't know why she hates it so much, but I'm choosing to believe it is jealousy.

2. I am the gayest person my wife knows. That is saying something. I know a lot of the people she knows...and there are some pretty gay ones.

Oh well, perhaps this is what they call tough love.

First Father's Day

This is my first official Father's Day and I couldn't be happier with my daughter and wife. They are my real gift. The idea of being celebrated for being lucky enough and blessed enough to have somehow won the heart of my wife, then have a perfect, beautiful baby with her is kinda crazy when I think about it. Maybe down the road, I'll have to make tougher decisions and perhaps some larger sacrifices for my child that will make me feel more like I've earned a special day like this, but right now I feel like I owe. Having Olivia and Jessica in my life is such a privilege, I feel like I should be getting them something!

I have a lot to look forward to, and boy do I. I look forward to all your laughs and smiles and I look forward to the times I can comfort you and hold you. You're what makes this day special, sweetheart.











Hmm...I wonder if they would prefer a big screen TV or a MacBook as a token of my appreciation.

Stupid Plastic Card

All things come to an end.  Gone are the days of disposable income, or perhaps more appropriately, gone are the days of waste-able income.  That is really all I did when I was feeling a little down or something shiny caught my eye or I was in a good mood.  Pretty much anytime I felt like it really, I would just blow money on things I didn't need and ultimately didn't even want.  I would never allow myself to carry cash.  That was always a guaranteed way to get the economy stimulated..giving me cash money.  For me personally, it is better to have all cash put away where I can't see it.  I see stacks of money and I want to give it to people who will give me things like movies and candy and video games.  I have gift cards collecting dust because if I use them, they are gone.  Something about them makes me want to get something really good, because they are gifts.  I can't use them to get something practical, I don't want practical things for my birthday or Christmas.  So instead I hang on to these little pieces of plastic and stare and things that might be cool to have, yet I'm afraid that once I turn over my gift card for this latest ware, they will bring out the real latest and greatest techno gadget that does twice as much for half the price.  So, I keep my little plastic card.  Who knows, maybe someday they will have a cooler looking gift card I can buy with it.

Daddy's Yawn

There are a few things that entertain Olivia. Her mommy's goofy baby-talk voice, her daddy's guitar strumming and doing squat thrusts are a some. Seeing her daddy's gaping maw as he yawns is one of them as well.
I guess that is why she like to wake me up every so often on the weekends at unholy hours of the morning. As my eyes droop and fight to stay open, she smiles and kicks her feet in success. I do love to see her smile though...even if it is from something I do involuntarily.

Olivia Beret

Someday she will get her revenge. Olivia develops her hand-eye coordination and strengthens her neck and legs in anticipation of her eventual triumph. Her mind is no doubt racing with plots of our downfall. One day, she will make us pay for what we've done!

Until that day comes, however, she will just have to endure mommy and daddy's dress-up time.

Unlearn what you have learned

This one is strong in the ways of the Force.

No Comment

After a lengthy polling process and hours of running statistical analysis on the results, I have finally come to some startling conclusions. The ones of readers who make it a point to view my blog are split on the matter of whether or not I should allow comments. It was virtually a 3 way tie between the choices and now I just don't know what to do.

Let me just say, the original reason I decided not to allow comments was because I wanted readers to simply write me an email if they cared to do so. In addition to that, I wanted to eliminate the need for me to hurt anyone's feelings for deleting comments I determined to be...how should I put this...stupid.

There have also been allegations of voter fraud in this case which serves to complicate the matter further. I don't know whether to invalidate the poll completely or take the determination as a sign I should just allow comments to be posted.

As you should be able to determine, I have a huge dilemma that I haven't been able to work out on my own. So, does anyone have any helpful advice, interesting anecdotes, or unmoderated comments?

UPDATE: Comments on older posts are disabled, but I have decided to allow comments* from this point forward.






*Comments subject to moderation.

This was not part of the contract

I knew that certain changes occur with the female body during pregnancy so I tried to prepare myself for that when my wife became pregnant. There are endless sources of anecdotes and TV sitcoms with needy pregnant women, late trips to the gas station, unexplainable cravings and uncontrollable mood swings. None of those, however, prepared me for the changes that my wife would go through.

As the pregnancy as progressed, I've had to be more aggressive in annexing food for dinner. OK, I will grant that increased food consumption was expected on her part, but I didn't realize the speed at which she would take it in would increase as well. Now she is waiting for me to finish eating at restaurants and inquiring if I'm going to eat all of what is in front of me. Sitting in front of the TV eating a meal after work, I was used to her getting up to take care of the leftovers. Now there are no leftovers. If I want second dinner, it has to be a whole different meal completely which, by the way, takes the fun out of second dinner.

In addition, she has started to forgo getting dishes out. Who needs a glass when you can chug directly from the gallon of chocolate milk? Why bother with a plate, when the large protrusion from your midsection works so well? There is something about using my unborn daughter's body as an end table for placing such things as the remote control that sort of flies in the face in the whole sanctity of life thing.

Now she scratches herself a lot more, asks me to get her something 'while I'm up' a lot more and spills things a lot more. The vehicles have crumbs and jelly stains and garbage all over. The child hasn't been born yet, but I think the lack of car seat is the only giveaway to that fact.

Plus, she farts. I know everyone farts, but now she farts all the time. She farts and laughs about it. It is funny when she does I guess. She farts in the morning and she farts at night. It has become a sort of punctuation to her movements. Get up...fart. Roll over...fart.

When it comes down to it, she's a guy. There is no other way to explain it. My wife, through the miracle of pregnancy has somehow become a man. Not only that, but an old man. She needs help getting up, her back hurts, she needs help carrying things down the stairs. She is an old, disgusting man now and I am sure this was never discussed in either Gym or Sex Ed. I did not sign up for this.

I love her to death though. We laugh together about these weird changes and how she is becoming, quite frankly, more like me. Soon it will be over, though. She will revert back to her old self, we'll have a wonderful baby girl, and we'll be down to just one disgusting guy in the house...me!