Little Clothes

We got a new set of clothes for Olivia the other day. It is amazing how quickly she is growing physically and mentally. As most of the clothes were gifted to us from our generous and wonderful friends and relatives, they required a quick washing. I was just looking at the piles of tiny clothes and shoes as I walked upstairs and I couldn't help but smile at the thought of her wearing them and running around with one of her patented cheesy grins.

0134

I sat in church today, distracted by the four digits repeating in my head. Zero. One. Three. Four. I check to make sure that is the right number...again. It is. Zero one three four. The music is playing, the words are on the screen, but I'm not reading them and I'm not singing along. Instead I watch a different screen blinking a four-digit number in red LEDs. 1036. That isn't my number, not even close. I check anyway just to be sure and wonder for a brief moment if it was typed in wrong.

The offering baskets pass, but offering is Jessica's job, so I pass it without breaking my stare at the tiny screen.

The pastor is back, it must be time for service. He thinks it would be good for everyone to read a few verses together. He thought wrong. Reading a verse means I have to avert my eyes from the screen, which means I might miss it. I have to be ready in case my number shows up. There is no predicting it so I must be vigilant.

He is a great speaker and amazing teacher of God's word and God's love, but his words are replaced in my head with zero, one, three, four. Rome was a big city. I knew that already. Are the screens working? Did anyone see 0134 pop up? I don't think so, but perhaps while I blinked? Are we sure this screen is working? His son is on a cross-country bike trip. Catholics serve lots of spaghetti. Zero one three four? Zero one. Three four. Zero. One three four. I check my wrist again. Yup, that is the number. I hope they didn't show it while I was looking down to triple check. The message today is about hospitality. Hospitality means 'Love of Strangers.' Got it. Zero one three four. Zero one three four. Zero one...A NUMBER FLASHES AGAIN. 2076. Ugh. I wonder to myself if I really want my number to come up. Part of me says no, but an equal and much louder part screams, YES.

The sermon ends, and we're out. I scan down the isles to see which way will get me out the fastest. Young people are good for that. We're out in a flash, not time for fellowship now, gotta go. I make a beeline towards the nursery. I assume Jess is somewhere behind me and hope she can keep up. I come to my daughters classroom and scan the floor and strangers' arms for her. There she is, near the back. The nice elderly lady holding her must recognize me. She smiles and twists Olivia to see me. Then she grabs Olivia's diaper bag and brings her to the half wall.

Before handing her over though, she needs to officially confirm she is mine. She pulls up her leg to match up the tag secured around her ankle with the one on my wrist. Hers and mine both read the same...0134.

Whew. Relief. My baby is back in my arms.

Pray Big

There are times in the midst of prayer that I find myself listing so many different things that I start to feel just a little silly. 'Hey God, could you make this person well...and smooth out this relationship...and guide me in this aspect of my life...and help this person find a job...and make sure these people have enough to eat...and this...and THAT, that is a good one...Oh! and I can't forget all these things.' I feel like a child picking out candy and then I put this voice in my head as I imagine my heavenly father reacting like an earthly parent...'Now, you can only have one, which one do you want the most?'

I know it is me that puts that voice and that limitation on my prayers. I am the one that makes God smaller than He is when, after I catch myself praying for person after person and situation after situation, I finally just pray for everyone, everywhere to be happy and healthy having everything they need, then laugh to myself at how silly a prayer that is. I caught myself thinking about that prayer in the quiet of my commute.

'God, please make everyone happy and healthy and give them everything they need.'

While it sounds like something a child would pray at dinner to the amusement of those much wiser to the way the world really works, what is it that makes this prayer silly?

Isn't this what we are really asking for after acknowledging God's goodness and holiness in what many know as The Lord's Prayer?

Your Kingdom Come
Your Will Be Done
on Earth as it is in Heaven

So what then, I wonder, makes me at least pause and roll my eyes after I ask for such a lofty prayer in different words?

Isn't God good enough?

Strong enough?

Caring enough?

Big enough?

No, God is good and mighty and loves us and He is BIG enough for our biggest prayers.

Course Correction

The summer has been busy and there are a lot of things going on in my life and in my head, but I've noticed a drift in my thoughts to more trivial and finite things. Nothing terrible, but without the balance of God's perspective, nothing that moves me towards becoming a better person and a better reflection of His love.

It is easy to forget to pray and reflect in the good times. It is easy to put off thankfulness even when there are so many things to be thankful for.

So, I'm making a course correction. Even if things are going very well for me, there are still so, so many things to think about, work on, and pray about.

New nephews.

Adoptions.

Pregnancies.

Job Searches.

Job Changes.

Moves.

Marriages.

Travels.

Big Girl

Too much cuteness to keep to myself.

Lu at the Zoo

Today we took a day trip to the zoo with some friends. As expected, Olivia was mostly into staring and riding, but it was a good first trip. With two other little girls, including a spunky four-year-old, there was still plenty of excitement and energy to go around.

It had been years since I'd been to the zoo, so I was interested to go as well. When I first walked in, however, that familiar stank came at me. I was kinda afraid that I'd be holding my breath the whole way through, but it turns out these were the culprits...

Yes, that is right, Flamingos are stinky creatures. Not the stinkiest, that title easily goes to the porcupines which were far too stinky to even take the time to photograph.

The Pygmy goats were a hit with all the kids, but Olivia's favorite by far were the Penguins! She loved watching them up close as they swam around behind the Plexiglas. I think her love of water and the similarities between how the penguins smelled with her own dirty diapers really helped to cement the bond.

There were lots of other cool things we saw and it couldn't have been a nicer day. Nice breeze, we got there right when it opened so there weren't many people, and the lions were out and about which I hear is a nice bonus.

After our zoo visit, we went to a nearby park to enjoy a picnic and bask in the sun. Not a bad day at all.

Rickety

Well, I'm not getting any younger, that is for sure. If crawling around the living room with six month old wasn't enough to make this old man feel that way, decisions about life insurance, 401k plans, muscle pains, physicals, the disgusting feeling get when eating childhood favorites like hot dogs, bologna or Cool Ranch Doritos and maybe most of all, the general inability to function the following morning when I stay up past 10 o'clock certainly do.

I can't complain though...I take that back. I can complain and want to complain, but that just makes me feel even older.

Are you my friend?

There a lot of times I feel unsure of who my friends are. I wish it was easier to tell who actually enjoys my company rather than just being polite. I don't like the idea of being the annoying guy who hangs around unwanted. Maybe it is a trust issue or a self-esteem issue or probably a little of both. I can't help but doubt my own value in a friendship. Trusting new people to hold onto a piece of my heart is a scary thing. Believing in my worth is even harder.

What choices do I have though? There are no glowing lights that indicate whether a person likes you or if that someone just doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

Maybe I just expect too much. I'm sure that is part of it. Perhaps my idea of friendship is unrealistic in a world broken.

I do have great friends. Friends I trust and who make me feel welcome. My wife is first and foremost on that very short list. She is without a doubt, my best friend. While I still think she is crazy for being in love with me, I do not doubt that she is. I can't say I've always felt that way. I wish I could, but even after marriage, I still wondered about the sincerity of her love.

Now though, I can fully see the love that she has for me. I missed it before, not because it wasn't there, but because I wouldn't let myself believe that anyone could truly love me. As I have learned to accept myself as I am...as God made me, my eyes have been opened to her love and it is an amazing blessing.

Nothing Much

So this has really been a pretty calm last few days. Nothing much has really happened.

I mean there was the awesome 4th of July weekend with brats and baseball. It was nice to get a little more sun and toss a baseball around.

Of course getting to the weekend was a dream after the week of work. Even though it was a short week, with the storms it made for some pretty long days.

Did I mention that my daughter now has two teeth? Yeah, she is growing so fast and still trying to figure out that whole crawling thing. Currently she holds herself up on all fours and rocks back and fourth. Every once in awhile she will actually go backwards. This annoys her to no end, but she grunts and growls and keeps right on trying.

Oh, and I sold my old laptop so I had to get a replacement and I ended up choosing a sweet little MacBook. This is the first post I'm typing on it as I listen to Rick Hopkins and Olivia plays the empty the basket game. It took me a few hours to figure out the best way to transfer all the data over, but it worked out great. I didn't realize we had so many pictures. They are mostly of Olivia and she has only been around for six months!

Which reminds me, I made a neat slideshow and an even sweeter DVD with it this weekend. I was so excited when I burned the DVD, ran downstairs to test it on the actual DVD player and it really worked. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised, but I was.

Aside from the several walks and working on the yard and making brat patties (Yes, patties! Jess brought them home because she thought they would be a good alternative because I'm not allowed to have red meat and they were surprisingly good. Jess and I like our brats more well done than most and these pretty much gave the same effect.) and generally just playing with Livy we've had a pretty uneventful weekend.

Yup, nothing much to say since the last time I posted. Maybe next week will be more interesting.