Are you my friend?

There a lot of times I feel unsure of who my friends are. I wish it was easier to tell who actually enjoys my company rather than just being polite. I don't like the idea of being the annoying guy who hangs around unwanted. Maybe it is a trust issue or a self-esteem issue or probably a little of both. I can't help but doubt my own value in a friendship. Trusting new people to hold onto a piece of my heart is a scary thing. Believing in my worth is even harder.

What choices do I have though? There are no glowing lights that indicate whether a person likes you or if that someone just doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

Maybe I just expect too much. I'm sure that is part of it. Perhaps my idea of friendship is unrealistic in a world broken.

I do have great friends. Friends I trust and who make me feel welcome. My wife is first and foremost on that very short list. She is without a doubt, my best friend. While I still think she is crazy for being in love with me, I do not doubt that she is. I can't say I've always felt that way. I wish I could, but even after marriage, I still wondered about the sincerity of her love.

Now though, I can fully see the love that she has for me. I missed it before, not because it wasn't there, but because I wouldn't let myself believe that anyone could truly love me. As I have learned to accept myself as I am...as God made me, my eyes have been opened to her love and it is an amazing blessing.