Rearvew Mirror

How many lives have I lived? Looking back on different moments as I grew up and remembering how important I thought those moments were when I was living them seems almost comical to me now. Who knew I had so much drama in my life? To read old letters, look at old pictures, and remember how I felt about the stupidest things...it is somewhat embarrassing to relive. I think about my first "love". Some pretty face who wrote me letters one summer as a friend. I couldn't even talk to her in person, but oh how devastated I was when she began dating someone else. The humanity! The horror! What a heart broken little child I was. I spent so much time thinking about her, writing about her and believing that without her there would be no love for me in this world. I have to wonder how much of my life I really missed as I pined over this girl who, in hindsight, was totally wrong for me. I dread to think about all the poems and letters and emails that are out there, offering proof to the fact that I such a dork back then.

I have always been a sucker for romance. I am sure I'll regret having this written down, but at least it will give me something to make fun of 10 or 15 years from now during a future reflection. Romantic comedies usually rank right up there with action movies for me. I love to watch the unlikely guy get the amazing girl. I like to cheer for the underdog because I have always felt like one. I am more confident now, but by my very nature I am a shy and insecure person. I never would have guessed that I would have been a salesman in a past life or that I would stand up in front of a hundred plus people, big and little, to teach them stories from the Bible each week.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to go back and relive high school with everything I know now. I could go to more parties, skip more classes and just have more fun as a kid. Maybe I could "invent" something really cool from the future and become a millionaire. However, it doesn't take me long to clear my head and I ask myself it I would really change anything.

Everything that has happened to me has shaped me and led me in a certain direction. That direction ultimately got me here...to my life as I know it. A life where not everything is perfect, but everything is as it should be. A life where I am married to the perfect woman for me. While I'd love to travel back in time and kick the crap out of high school bullies and sing the #1 songs a decade before they were released, I wouldn't. Not at the risk of changing one step in my life that led me right here, right now. Sitting next to my amazing wife and our amazing unborn child.

My kingdom for 40 Grit

A few weeks back, we received a brand new, old dresser. It is a family heirloom from my wife's side of the family that has been more passed off, than passed on to us I think. Nonetheless, it is a needed piece of furniture in our home with the approaching birth of our daughter and I truly am grateful to get it. The years have not been particularly kind to it, nor have the children who have used it in the past. With its missing and mismatched knobs, sticker residue, dings, scratches, and one leg that is slightly shorter than the others, it leaves a lot to be desired. With a little work...well perhaps a lot of work...I am hoping to give it some new life. Work began tonight as a burst of energy sparked a desire to finally go out to the garage and start sanding it down. With my trusty sander destroyed from my misuse no doubt, I went to work with my hands and the various pieces of sandpaper we happened to already have in the house. It took some doing, but the first phase of the project is well underway. Of course, sanding the top is the easiest part, but my next visit to the garage, I'll be accompanied by much more aggressive sandpaper. So, with a slightly sweaty brow and lungs full of dust I look upon yet another project I've started and hope that I can not only finish it, but finish it in a timely manner. I haven't done anything like this before, but that fact never stopped me before. I'm sure I'll make some mistakes, but it couldn't look any worse than it already
does...can it?

Watch my progress in the sidebar. I'll keep working away and updating the photos....

Finding Ballance

It wasn't your typical guys' night out, but it was pretty refreshing. Shoveling broken concrete, digging up pavers, and tearing brick walls down may seem like the opposite of fun, but the worst part was actually finding the place, the rest was relatively easy with so many helping hands. I could turn this into a lesson about Nehemiah, but I think I will just leave alone. It was a good time with a great bunch of guys and that is enough. It felt good to do some manual labor after sitting at a desk all day. It felt good watching bricks crumble from the force of sledge hammer. It felt good to lift stones and get my hands dirty. It felt good to work as a team, if only for a few hours, and put our efforts to good use...helping a really cool family out.

This was not part of the contract

I knew that certain changes occur with the female body during pregnancy so I tried to prepare myself for that when my wife became pregnant. There are endless sources of anecdotes and TV sitcoms with needy pregnant women, late trips to the gas station, unexplainable cravings and uncontrollable mood swings. None of those, however, prepared me for the changes that my wife would go through.

As the pregnancy as progressed, I've had to be more aggressive in annexing food for dinner. OK, I will grant that increased food consumption was expected on her part, but I didn't realize the speed at which she would take it in would increase as well. Now she is waiting for me to finish eating at restaurants and inquiring if I'm going to eat all of what is in front of me. Sitting in front of the TV eating a meal after work, I was used to her getting up to take care of the leftovers. Now there are no leftovers. If I want second dinner, it has to be a whole different meal completely which, by the way, takes the fun out of second dinner.

In addition, she has started to forgo getting dishes out. Who needs a glass when you can chug directly from the gallon of chocolate milk? Why bother with a plate, when the large protrusion from your midsection works so well? There is something about using my unborn daughter's body as an end table for placing such things as the remote control that sort of flies in the face in the whole sanctity of life thing.

Now she scratches herself a lot more, asks me to get her something 'while I'm up' a lot more and spills things a lot more. The vehicles have crumbs and jelly stains and garbage all over. The child hasn't been born yet, but I think the lack of car seat is the only giveaway to that fact.

Plus, she farts. I know everyone farts, but now she farts all the time. She farts and laughs about it. It is funny when she does I guess. She farts in the morning and she farts at night. It has become a sort of punctuation to her movements. Get up...fart. Roll over...fart.

When it comes down to it, she's a guy. There is no other way to explain it. My wife, through the miracle of pregnancy has somehow become a man. Not only that, but an old man. She needs help getting up, her back hurts, she needs help carrying things down the stairs. She is an old, disgusting man now and I am sure this was never discussed in either Gym or Sex Ed. I did not sign up for this.

I love her to death though. We laugh together about these weird changes and how she is becoming, quite frankly, more like me. Soon it will be over, though. She will revert back to her old self, we'll have a wonderful baby girl, and we'll be down to just one disgusting guy in the house...me!

Welcome to the Blogosphere

One of the few frequently visited websites I like to look at when I have a few extra moments had an interesting quote...

"The Blogosphere is exploding- like a self-replicating super virus bursting with mundane observations, bad poetry, and generously misrepresentative photos. Never have so many people with so little to say said so much to so few. "

When I read that, I just laughed at what I've started and what I've planned for the future of this little endeavor. I have plenty of mundane observations and bad poetry to share, but up until now, I've kept this site a secret. I guess I was trying to fill it up a little more or busy it up with cool lists and links, but that comes with the journey. It will grow with me and perhaps I should do what I set out to do...let my thoughts hang out there for their own sake. So...the launch party is today I guess. Welcome, all, to the Blogosphere!

I'm glad this isn't all up to me

It is nice to be in charge of things...usually. Sometimes it means more stress and longer hours, but calling the shots can be pretty sweet. I have all sorts of ideas about how things should be in my life, my community, my country and even my world. The thing with my ideas though, is they are mostly not very good. Maybe, in relation to ideas in generally, they really aren't all that bad or crazy. I have career goals and family goals that are pretty realistic and down to earth. However, when I compare my plans, with God's plans, that's where my ideas start to pale in comparison. If I were in charge, I'd be working at a Tractor dealership still. I made more money, I got to play with equipment and I got to travel to the annual show with awesome food and cool parties. What could be wrong with that? Well, working at that dealership meant longer hours and poor eating habits. I also worked with my parents and sister and wife. I love them all, but the stress of operating the business created tension and stress that drove wedges between us all. If everything was going according to my plans, I wouldn't have a baby girl growing in my wife's belly. MY GOD! What a joy she is and she isn't even born! I can't thank God enough for the directions he has taken me, usually against my will. When I find myself wondering why things happen differently than I lay them, it doesn't take me long to remember that God has a plan...a much, much better plan.

Camping out...sort of

I've just returned from what can only loosely be described as camping out. I stayed in a fancy camper on a bed. There was running water, working toilets and electricity in abundance. It was more like staying over at someone else's house...who lives in a trailer park...in the woods.

Don't get me wrong, I'm no die hard camper who thinks this is the sissy way to do it. I would have a hard time doing it any other way, which could explain why I don't get into the woods very much.

One thing that really made me think this weekend is how amazing God's world is that he has put us in to live. Since the beginning of time the beauty that he created...the waters and skies and trees and rocks...has been around. They aren't outdated or obsolete. They never go out of style. Nothing that we have created or can create will match the splendor of God's work. It is timeless.

Why not the digital highway?

Who would have guessed? An introverted guy like me actually throwing out some thoughts for all to see. As I stumble and bumble my way through existance, trying to find my way back to life that is full and back on a path towards God, I must dare to make some steps in totally new directions. 'You can't change, while staying the same. You can't follow while standing still.'

Maybe there is an on ramp from the internet. Maybe there is a liberating power that comes with just being who you are laying everything out there for all to see and not really worrying about what they think. Maybe this could be a start to something really great in my life...a vehicle for improvement.