Square Pie

As if in sequence with the seasons, the thoughts of how my life is changing have arrived. I see all these new opportunities and challenges ahead. I see new friendships blossoming and old friendships reemerging from a their long silence. The ever-evolving work environment brings new responsibilities and new frustrations. The pace of life in general has quickened. In church, a year of teaching and storytelling is screaming by and soon it will come to pause long enough for me to catch my breath and think about where I'll be next year.

Part of me wants to explore new areas of growth and part of me just wants to keep everything the same. I want to grow a family in the church and I want to recommit myself to my own biological family. My daughter is growing before my eyes and I have decisions to make that will affect both of us. I feel a tug from all directions and pressure on all sides. There are so many good things laid out in front of me, but trying to pick them all up will leave me fumbling and ultimately empty handed. The thing is, no one is pressuring me to do things or tugging me away from certain areas except me. I'm trying too hard to control my destiny. I'm trying too hard to get people to like me and I'm not trusting that those people I interact with actually care about me. There is too much clutter in my mind right now and I can't focus on the most important thing. I need to take my time more. I need to relax more. I need to let people come to me if they want to and I need to be okay with it when they don't. I need to let God shape my life, my whole life and I need to understand that the life God has planned, looks completely different from what I'd expect.