I have been teaching about joy this month, finding ways to be happy in God even when things don't go your way. It is more than a little ironic that I've had such a hard time staying joyful lately. My days are not filled with gloom by any means, but I have had more than my share of moments where I just want to shut down. Moments where I just want to be alone and allowed to stare at nothing without being asked why. I don't want to talk about it. I don't know how to verbalize what I'm feeling. I just want to be invisible for a little while...
The future gives me pause. I don't know where I'm going and I feel like I'm letting everyone down. I feel my heart pulling me in too many directions trying to connect and reconnect and console and encourage and teach and follow and listen and learn, but I end up not doing any of them well. Tonight I feel lousy, as a father, a husband, a son, a brother, and a friend.
But the things that God has provided still anchor me; my amazing wife and beautiful child, my family and friends, and the sacrifice that God made for me is enough to make me realize my worth again. So, I'll move forward. I'll find ways to be happy in God because He is a good and faithful God, whose guidance will lead me on my journey towards understanding.
1 comment:
Not sure why you are feeling down so much, and even though you have a lot to be happy about depression still hits most everyone. I think you beat yourself up way too much. You are a good person you are the best person that you can be at this time. I know depression runs in our family. Please don't keep pooh poohing it and not seek help. It is real, and it hits most everyone. If I can be of any help you know where I am at. Love Mom
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