Rearvew Mirror

How many lives have I lived? Looking back on different moments as I grew up and remembering how important I thought those moments were when I was living them seems almost comical to me now. Who knew I had so much drama in my life? To read old letters, look at old pictures, and remember how I felt about the stupidest things...it is somewhat embarrassing to relive. I think about my first "love". Some pretty face who wrote me letters one summer as a friend. I couldn't even talk to her in person, but oh how devastated I was when she began dating someone else. The humanity! The horror! What a heart broken little child I was. I spent so much time thinking about her, writing about her and believing that without her there would be no love for me in this world. I have to wonder how much of my life I really missed as I pined over this girl who, in hindsight, was totally wrong for me. I dread to think about all the poems and letters and emails that are out there, offering proof to the fact that I such a dork back then.

I have always been a sucker for romance. I am sure I'll regret having this written down, but at least it will give me something to make fun of 10 or 15 years from now during a future reflection. Romantic comedies usually rank right up there with action movies for me. I love to watch the unlikely guy get the amazing girl. I like to cheer for the underdog because I have always felt like one. I am more confident now, but by my very nature I am a shy and insecure person. I never would have guessed that I would have been a salesman in a past life or that I would stand up in front of a hundred plus people, big and little, to teach them stories from the Bible each week.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to go back and relive high school with everything I know now. I could go to more parties, skip more classes and just have more fun as a kid. Maybe I could "invent" something really cool from the future and become a millionaire. However, it doesn't take me long to clear my head and I ask myself it I would really change anything.

Everything that has happened to me has shaped me and led me in a certain direction. That direction ultimately got me here...to my life as I know it. A life where not everything is perfect, but everything is as it should be. A life where I am married to the perfect woman for me. While I'd love to travel back in time and kick the crap out of high school bullies and sing the #1 songs a decade before they were released, I wouldn't. Not at the risk of changing one step in my life that led me right here, right now. Sitting next to my amazing wife and our amazing unborn child.