Guitar Hero: Maybe Love is Blind and Deaf

Another session of strumming cords and trying to create comprehensible music from my guitar have left me a little frustrated. I am able to make a few pleasant sounds, but the fact is, I don't know what I'm doing. I have no musical background, I can't afford lessons, I have never played an instrument, I don't know how to read music, my fingers seem too short, I think I'm tone deaf and yet I somehow thought that getting guitar was a good idea.
Regardless, I'll keep picking it up and picking away at it. I'm sure with time I'll gain some rudimentary skills at least. The good news is, my wife likes to hear me play for some reason. Of course she also thinks I'm handsome for some reason which gives me reason to doubt both her eyesight and hearing.